Marooned Astronaut: The School Shooting in Ohio

Saturday, March 3, 2012

The School Shooting in Ohio

Every schmuck on every news show is trying to inform us about the warning signs to look out for that could have prevented the Ohio school shooting on Monday. They keep coaching us to keep an eye out for expressions of dark, violent or depressed feelings on our children’s Twitter and FB accounts – “KNOW YOUR KIDS’ PASSWORDS” they tell us. That if you see a kid posting something dark, it’s better to err on the side of caution by reporting it, blah, blah, blah… I haven’t seen a single major news outlet explain that the BIGGEST warning sign that there was going to be a school shooting in Ohio on Monday was when T.J. Lane picked up a GUN which he had ready access to. Teens tweeting death poetry tells you jack shit. All it warns is that a teen is just a teen. The tragedy in Ohio could NOT have happened if T.J. Lane had not been able to have a gun. I am no gun control freak. Guns serve a purpose, in my opinion. But if you aren’t willing to talk about the real reason why there was yet another school GUN shooting on American soil, you have just signed a petition asking that we have another just like it the next time the mood strikes another disaffected youth. Doom on you.

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MAXIMS: A List of Fundamental Laws of the Universe (as best as I can recall them)

01. Belief in anything supernatural is counterproductive and dangerous.
02. Imposing supernatural beliefs uninvited upon others, especially the vulnerable and the young, is criminally culpable.
03. School-age children should be required to attend superbly-funded, Federally regulated public schools during the school day while private and home school alternatives should be outlawed. Parents can send kids wherever they want from 3 o’clock on.
04. Long term, large-scale use of fossil fuels is bad for a planet’s humans and should be avoided.
05. Corporate interests should never enjoy parity with, and should always be subordinate to, the common good of all and individual rights.
06. In the United States of America, the keeping of powerful weapons in one’s own home carries certain, rationally unacceptable health risks.
07. Homeopathy is crap.
08. You people need better spaceships.
09. The Battle Flag of the Confederacy is a symbol in support of racism, slavery and treason against the United States of America.
10. Whoever came up with KFC’s “Double Down” sandwich, wherein the role of “bread” is performed by two batter fried pieces of meat, should never be allowed to make decisions for anyone about any thing ever, ever again.
11. Only self-destructive weirdo cultures would forego the social benefits of allowing ALL adults to marry whomever they want, including same-gender couples.
12. Anyone who does not enjoy the prospect of pogroms in the United States of America should really speak up in defense of the plan of New York’s peaceful Muslim-AMERICAN community to build a cultural center at 45-51 Park Place.
13. Taken as a whole, the Ten Commandments would be unconstitutional as laws in the United States of America and are demonstrably NOT the basis of American law and society.
14. One of the great laws of war is Never invade Russia. (Montgomery)
15. Never teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig. (Heinlein)
16. Never let a mechanical device know you are in a hurry. (Murphy)
17. Wherever they burn books they will also, in the end, burn human beings. (Heine)
18. You can't control what you like. (Pontac)
19. Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity. (Hanlon)
20. Anyone who submits a bill for advice or instruction, no matter how good, is not your Guru. (Paraphrased from Prince)
21. Simmons’s First Law: Flesh-eating zombies may only be make believe, but if you meet someone who sincerely behaves like a flesh-eating zombie, it is only good manners (and good sense) to treat them as if they are a flesh-eating zombie.
22. NOTHING happens for a reason.
22. Where there is smoke there is occassionally smoke, and sometimes (but not always) fire.
23. When Alexander Pope says, "Hope springs eternal in the human breast: Man never is, but always To be Blest," he does not mean that there is always hope. And there is not always hope.
24. The saying is not, "Never say die." The saying is, "Never say die while there's a shot in the locker," which are two completely different meanings.