The Marooned Astronaut Starts a Blog

Greetings.

I won’t bore you with a long explanation of how I became stranded here in your world.  Suffice to say I am from a planet other than Earth, I got stuck here quite some time ago, and, while rescue and return to the civilized part of the galaxy is more or less certain, it still also appears to be some way off.

When relief does come, the crew of the search and rescue vessel will first inquire after who is in charge here on Earth (and, hence, responsible for handling matters such as missing persons and castaways like myself).  Finding no one actually running the place, their next strategy will be to search for me on their own, starting with the most obvious places, those which stand out from all the rest of the world clutter.  To assist them in this I make my home here in New York City – it is the first place I’d check.  I can’t wait to see the look on the rescue team’s faces when they see just how far I have gone native.  I even married an Earthling with whom I have had two kids!

Speaking of my Earthling bride, it was her idea that I start this blog (ineed, she set it up for me), weary as she is of me going endlessly on about how much more sane and friendly and prosperous the civilized part of the galaxy is.  For both her sanity and mine, she has asked that I find some additional outlet, other than her martyred ear, in which to deposit my observations and contemplations about Earth, how it should fit in its place in the cosmos, and where it too often falls short of the mark.

Not sure what level of anonymity I’ll maintain as I cultivate the blog.  Characters will come up, the real people of my experiences.  I won’t give their real names.  I’ll try to use initials, for starters, except for the spouse, whom I shall refer to as Native Goddess, for reasons that will become radiantly clear as time goes on.  Except for that, I will only offer factually accurate information here, and strive to lie no more to you, constant reader, than I do to myself.

I’ll devote the rest of this inaugural entry to the laying down of some policy, so that you can get a gist of where the Marooned Astronaut is coming from, intellectually (if not galactically) speaking. 

First, I don’t believe in anything.  I use the world “believe” a lot, but please know I’m still learning your language and it’s just the easiest way I’ve been taught to say “I think to a point of relative certainty.”  But I don’t believe in anything absolutely, and I question, scrutinize and evaluate everything I encounter.  Except when I am being lazy – and I am almost always lazy. 

I don’t believe in morals.  I do believe in ethics.  I believe that the 1st amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America may be the single greatest passage of writing produced by planet Earth.  (Let’s take a look, shall we?  “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”  Man, that is good stuff!).  I believe human history on Earth is trending in a good direction, but that this requires a constant struggle against nefarious, selfish forces and there is no guarantee culture will not, at any given future time, begin to slide into retrograde.  I believe if this does happen, it will be bad for me (if I am still here), bad for all humanity, and bad for the non-human residents of the  planet.  I believe that anyone who thinks the world is coming to an end in 2012 has their head up their ass.  I don’t believe anyone can love anything as much as I love my wife and children.

Now, some housekeeping:  Since my arrival, I have noticed there are a number of commonsense principles the rest of the civilized galaxy has accepted as being self-evident, but which the people here on Earth, very often here in the United States of America, either forget, actively reject, or even seek to reverse; at their very own peril and to the common detriment of all.  I’ll start a list from memory of how things really work in the civilized world and will have to add to it as I go along and am able to recall more.  These are not articles of faith (as I have none), but simple, manifestly demonstrable rules to abide in the interest of long, healthy, happy and prosperous life.  In later posts we may discuss, in great depth, many or even all of them.  But, for now, I offer the following:

1. Belief in anything supernatural is counterproductive and dangerous.

2. Imposing supernatural beliefs uninvited upon others, especially the vulnerable and the young, is criminally culpable.

3. School-age children should be required to attend superbly-funded, Federally regulated public schools during the school day while private and home school alternatives should be outlawed.  Parents can send kids wherever they want from 3 o’clock on.

4. Long term, large-scale use of fossil fuels is bad for a planet’s humans and should be avoided.

5. Corporate interests should never enjoy parity with, and should always be subordinate to, the common good of all and individual rights.

6. In the United States of America, the keeping of powerful weapons in one’s own home carries certain, rationally unacceptable health risks.

7. Homeopathy is crap.

8. You people need better spaceships.

9. The Battle Flag of the Confederacy is a symbol in support of racism, slavery and treason against the United States of America.

10. Whoever came up with KFC’s “Double Down” sandwich, wherein the role of “bread” is performed by two batter fried pieces of meat, should never be allowed to make decisions for anyone about any thing ever, ever again.

I’m sure I’ll come up with more ere long.  Til then, be well, fellow astronaut.