The Planet of the Apes is in New Jersey

So, yesterday was September eleventh, the ninth anniversary of Al Qaeda’s attack on the United States if America in 2001.

For me, one of the sadder, more poignant aspects of yesterday was all the earnest reminders, in every medium, from friends and strangers, never to forget. On it’s face, this is absurd, almost inane. 3,286 days ago I had been in the habit of programming my TV to wake me each morning to MTV2 (do they still actually play music videos on MTV2?) and this would get me out on the right side of bed to start the day. Ever since, every SINGLE day, 3,285 in a row, I wake up and check the news headlines, sometimes on TV, sometimes over internet, and ask: Have they done it? Did they finally catch bin Laden? Is his head at last on a spike on public display where it belongs?

This ugly, dysfunctional obsession is just one of the keepsakes I have from that day. The Marooned Astronaut won’t bore you with all the details of the other souvenirs he has (remember, “souvenir” means literally “to remember”): the emergency rations, gas masks, baseball bat, machete, Geiger counter – yes, Geiger counter – that take up so much space in my closet ever since.

So, for me – for most of the world – a reminder to “Never forget” is quite superfluous.  But, of course, I understand what inspires it. When most people say, “Never forget” 9/11, they are actually asking you to commiserate with them, to grieve a little, and for you to support them a little in their grief over something which, after nine years, still has no satisfactory means of being made rational through words. The event was insane, an undoing of 10,000 years of civilization, perpetrated using two of the most potent symbols of that civilization’s success, the jet liner, the skyscraper, transformed into a hideous and all-too-real nightmare. We do not look at jet liners, or skyscrapers, or each other the same way since. And we don’t know what to say, so instead we say, “Never forget,” and we know what each other means, which is something inexpressibly other than “Never forget.”

After a solemn, but exhausting morning of brooding on the sorrow that contemplation of 9/11 germinates in me, I decided to try and take my mind off it.  I decided to review some of the basic literature concerning Marooned Astronauts as part of an ongoing proficiency program we are all, as a trade, obliged to study. I watched, for the umpteenth time, Planet of the Apes.  The real 1968 one with Charlton Heston. Not the 2001 cock-up by Tim Burton – an otherwise inspired filmmaker. In retrospect, this very willful attempt “to forget” was flawed. Doomed from the outset.

The planet of the apes is in New Jersey. 

Did you know that? There is a scene in the first film of the series, 50 minutes in, where Marooned Astronaut Taylor (Heston), muted by a gunshot wound, tries to explain in pantomime to his scientist chimpanzee benefactors (Roddy McDowall and Kim Hunter) where he came from. We all know the surprise ending (SPOLIER ALERT) that Taylor eventually finds out he has been on Earth all along. In the film’s final scene, he and girlfriend Nova (smokin’ hot Linda Harrison) blunder upon the melted, mostly-buried Statue of Liberty. So, we know he’s in New York. During the scene I mention at 50 minutes, Cornelius (McDowall), who is a chimp archaeologist by trade, offers a map of the local region as a visual aid to help vocally-challenged Taylor tell his story.

It is clearly (and appropriately) a map of the New York Tri-State area.

According to Taylor, his ship, the Icarus, splashed down in Long Island Sound and he and surviving companions Dodge and Landon came ashore in the mortifying desert of the Forbidden Zone, AKA: Westchester County.  They then hiked to the Garden State where they ran afoul of a civilization of speaking, misanthropic apes.

Yes. I know. Has happened to me, too. In Georgia.

Planet of the Apes is really a superb film and if you haven’t ever seen it, you should treat yourself. Much of the dialog is dated and stilted. No surprise, as the script, the good parts, anyway, flowed from the pen of master sci fi melodramatist Rod Serling. Indeed, it is easy and fun to view Apes as a Twilight Zone episode writ large. To enjoy POA, you have to accept the clunky dialog as style, as non-rhyming verse. But, if you can accomplish that and watch, it is sublime. It offers deep social commentary on issues that are no less vibrant or urgent today than they were 42 years ago.

On a more selfish, more practical note, it is also chock full of helpful dos-and-don’ts for the average Marooned Astronaut. Take notes when you watch.

So, I watched. Taylor crash lands in the water, goes through his ordeal among the apes and finally escapes the clutches of his bloodthirsty simian captors, only to find out: the planet of the apes is actually planet Earth. (For the purposes of this discussion, we’ll include New Jersey as part of planet Earth.)

Taylor is understandably dismayed. When he first left Earth on his mission, he understood the world was already populated by brutes. In an opening monologue, he laments how Man treats his fellow human and admits, coyly, a wish that his kin back home might outgrow this barbarism while he is away in space. Instead, his worst fears are realized. The humanity he left behind only went on to grow even more barbaric, to the point of self-annihilation. And in place of that homo sapiens civilization has risen another just as brutish, just as barbaric. So one of the many morals of the film is: Planet Earth is always in danger of becoming, and intractably remaining, a planet of the apes.

It is important to remember, though, that the only point of a cautionary tale is to dissuade the audience from a course that will lead ultimately to the undesireable fate invoked within the story.  The Ghost of Christmas Future shows Scrooge his premature, mournerless grave so that he may choose to avoid it.  Planet of the Apes shows us an Earth that is forever doomed to be a planet of apes – naked apes or furry, but all brutes, all murderous. Yet, this does not mean such a fate is inevitable for this Earth. Planet of the Apes warns us to make sure this Earth does not become Taylor’s.

Planet of the Apes was made, as I mentioned, 42 years ago. So, how are we doing, team? Is this a world at peace with itself? Is there even a country (let’s take – oh, I dunno, the United States of America, for example) which is at peace with itself? When there’s an Earthquake in Haiti, do we actually send in the rescue monies we’ve promised for recovery? Do we decline from painting all members of one religion with the same brush we use to characterize the homicidal fanatic minuscule minority of that faith? Do we let folks who fall in love marry each other, no matter who they are or how many penises or vaginas they have among them? Are we able to engage in political discourse (to figure out the best direction in which to drive this blue planet) without referring to, and treating, our fellows across the aisle as sub-humans? When attacked, do we resist the urge to lash out at the easiest, most accessible target, even if that target had NOTHING to do with our wounds? Do we withhold our political support from candidates and parties who espouse or permit the promulgation of baseless fear and hate? Erstwhile politicians who would rule by anger?

Planet of the Apes closes with a prayer. An angry prayer. Angry prayers are not healthy ones. And no good comes of angry prayers. You can bet your bottom dollar that there were some angry prayers being muttered in the cockpits of Flights 11, 175, 77 and 93 nine years ago.

Marooned Astronaut Taylor’s angry prayer at the end of Planet of the Apes is:

            You maniacs.

            You blew it up.

            Damn you.

            God, damn you all to Hell.

I have said that prayer. I said it nine years-plus-one-day ago. I found myself saying it again yesterday, and, despite best intentions otherwise, I have repeated it all too often in the countless months between. Despite all these prayers, I find I am, as you are too, still stuck on a planet of apes. I can’t promise that I won’t ever say that angry prayer anymore, but I tell you, I know (from nine years of hard experience) it doesn’t accomplish much. I’ve never seen anything to suggest that any prayers, angry or not, ever do.

We can avoid Taylor’s Earth. We don’t have to pray. We just have to stop being apes. 

"Ground Zero Mosque" - What ‘s Wrong With What’s Going On

Here’s what ‘s wrong with what’s going on about the “Ground Zero Mosque.” 

The State, so far – and the Marooned Astronaut hates having to keep adding that caveat – has done nothing to bar the Park 51 project, so that’s not the problem. Only someone who was one taco short of a combination platter would think the bigots who have always been vocally distrustful of Muslim’s wouldn’t weigh in on the dark side of this groundless (not even Ground Zero) controversy. So, as ugly as those hate mongers are upon the ear, it’s not that either.

It’s the people and organizations who usually act as protectors of and advocates for tolerance, civil liberties and basic human rights, but who now have come down on the wrong side of this thing that make me shiver, and should make us all tread lightly. I’m speaking about a number of individuals I know personally and some public figures and institutions I have observed in the media.  I will use one (to me the most chilling example) to illustrate my point of concern.

The Anti Defamation League.  The ADL is an outspoken watchdog organization, who has for decades vigilantly fought anti-Semitism and stood unflaggingly at the side of any group who is victimized by, or is prone to fall prey to, social injustice based upon race, religion, creed, etc.

Until now.

Back on July 28 of this year, they weighed in ( http://www.adl.org/PresRele/CvlRt_32/5820_32.htm ), firmly and clearly, with their take on the wisdom and propriety of the Park 51 project.  They said, “… ultimately this is not a question of rights, but a question of what is right. In our judgment, building an Islamic Center in the shadow of the World Trade Center will cause some victims more pain - unnecessarily - and that is not right,” and that, "… the controversy which has emerged regarding the building of an Islamic Center at this location is counterproductive to the healing process."

Even as they decried how, “…the bigotry some have expressed in attacking [the folks behind Park 51] is unfair, and wrong,” they parroted the propaganda of those very bigots, saying, “we are mindful that some legitimate questions have been raised about who is providing the funding to build it...”  No.  This is demonstrably not the case, and (so) not the point.  It is a bigot’s talking point.

There are lots of clever ways to punch holes in their statement. One could argue, yes, it is true: “It is not right that Park 51 cause victims more pain,” meaning that victims don’t have a right to feel pain at seeing Park 51. But I never would do that. An old friend once told me, (Maxim #18) “You can’t help what you like.”  And you can’t help what causes you emotional pain (generally speaking). So I can’t say that victims MUST NOT feel pain when they see an Islamic Center in the vicinity of Ground Zero, or anywhere. I might suggest that pain at seeing such an establishment is misplaced. But I would never deny their pain, its inherent validity, nor their right to feel it.

But I could never condone it preventing a community of peaceful fellow Americans from legally installing a facility wherein they intend to engage in their culture and observe their religion freely. 

I’m just one guy. People who argue against Park 51 on these grounds of avoiding pain for victims of 9/11 are wrong, and it is my choice to tell them so.  The ADL is an organization.  Unlike me, it doesn’t have a choice where to come down on such issues. It has a charter and a steering body of individuals, all bound to adhere to the ADL’s stated principles.  While I have a personal policy on religious intolerance, the ADL is a policy, focused entirely on this very matter.  Here is their 1913 mission statement (direct from their website, http://www.adl.org/about.asp?s=topmenu ):

“The immediate object of the League is to stop, by appeals to reason and conscience and, if necessary, by appeals to law, the defamation of the Jewish people. Its ultimate purpose is to secure justice and fair treatment to all citizens alike and to put an end forever to unjust and unfair discrimination against and ridicule of any sect or body of citizens.”

Since 1913, they EXIST to end unjust discrimination and ridicule of ANY SECT or BODY OF CITIZENS. Their words.  Not mine.

Sara Palin and Newt Gingrich can say whatever they want about Park 51. Their job descriptions are not specific on how they should view the issue. But the ADL is different. The ADL exists to come down on the right side of issues like this, particularly and especially when everyone else is on the wrong side.

And they blew it.  Big time.  Their transgression is not simply one of craven negligence, not one of merely failing to rise to the occasion in their self-appointed role as guardian of tolerance and diversity.  Their July 28 statement starts out admirably enough: “We regard freedom of religion as a cornerstone of the American democracy, and that freedom must include the right of all Americans – Christian, Jewish, Muslim, and other faiths – to build community centers and houses of worship.  We categorically reject appeals to bigotry on the basis of religion, and condemn those whose opposition to this proposed Islamic Center is a manifestation of such bigotry.”  They should have left it at that. Period. Or said nothing. 

Saying nothing would have constituted a mere a dereliction of their bound duty.  But the full statement, which comes down squarely (albeit in milquetoast fashion) on the side of fear and bigotry, is a willful betrayal of it.

Hence the reason I am more concerned, even frightened, about this stupid, issueless issue than I ever expected I would be.  The ADL was one of those “go to” places for minorities – usually Jewish, but their mission statement clearly once promised succor and protection to all peoples – when they felt ridiculed, when they felt discriminated against, when they felt in danger.  Sure, there are other places, other institutions whose stated commitment to social justice are of the same ilk. But there is no saying that this breathtaking erosion of integrity and core principles is limited just to ADL.

We now find ourselves in world where, perhaps, any organization such as ADL can be expected to carelessly jettison its commitment to protect those most threatened by the bigots against diversity. And I am left wondering, where am I to go? What if that day comes when my legally-proposed cultural building inspires actual public debate over whether I should be allowed to express my convictions of faith legally, as and where I choose? Where is this Marooned Astronaut to go now when public discourse waxes venal and rails against me and my breed; when bigots start feeling comfortable publicly proposing my expulsion from the land, or at least from my rights, even though I am a US Citizen, just because of the strange-looking place in which I socialize, or the weird extraterrestrial complexion of my skin, or the alien language I speak among my kin, or my Jewish heritage.  Who should I count on, now that I know it cannot be the ADL?

4 More Maxims

Four more inflexible, universal laws the citizens of my world cleave to. In one of the cosmically great coincidences of all time, it seems the people who coined them there have the same last names as those who first articulated them here on Earth as well.  Fancy that.

14. One of the great laws of war is Never invade Russia. (Montgomery)

15. Never teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig. (Heinlein)

16. Never let a mechanical device know you are in a hurry. (Murphy)


17. Wherever they burn books they will also, in the end, burn human beings.  (Heine)